“All I wanted was to receive the love I gave.”
I allowed myself to be intimate with a guy for the first time in a while, and I’m questioning it on a strange level. Maybe it’s because I’ve never slept with someone, then talked for a while about yourselves. I don’t know, maybe it’s just how I am, but I tend to have the strangest bond with some people. They open up just a slight bit and realize they’ve never really done that with another before. I think it’s one of the greatest talents to have, being able to make a man be his honest self around someone who they hardly know. He even admitted it too, saying you’re getting my honest rambling self out, my 2am honest self. He asked me my favorite color and why. I asked him about himself, mother and father, childhood. I think I’m just a simple smooth talker, in the oddest way. People open up to me and it’s always made me feel slightly puzzled but warm inside. It’s one of the only traits I’ve never understood why I have. I’m glad I get to experience the rare moments humans forget they are. They’re creatures who have all gotten too into society, too wrapped up in pleasing everyone. They forget their roots, the little 10 year old kid they still truly feel like. And I get to see it, I get to see the simple yet innocent life these older creatures lived. I love it, I love that at the end of the night, we’re all just souls filled with stories we misplace.
I met a guy the other night and I honestly don’t know how the mutual interest in one another came up. I was drinking a lot and ended up smoking with some others at the party. He was so fucking handsome, with blue eyes and a beautiful beard. I remember talking to a girl a little bit away from him & he was having his own conversation with his friends. But the whole time, he’d turn around and pass his smoke to me & only me. I don’t remember much of the night, except for the fact that me and my people ended up back at his place. We talked the majority of the time there, nothing that I can recall but he told me we should hangout sometime again & asked for my number. I guess we hugged and everything which is not in my memory bank. I just remember calling him the beautiful bearded man at some point in the night. He was just so handsome and idk how to pursue this. Parts of me just wanna fuck him just cause he’s so beautiful. But another part of me wishes that such a beautiful creature would want to get to know me and be around me. I don’t know, I’m so awkward and I miss affection so much that I don’t really want to just be another one night stand. I don’t know.